Old Bay, Ray Ray, Town business and the Sco

Like NASCAR with no brakes* -- that's what I hope Arizona's side of the scoreboard looks like on Sunday night. But congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers for winning the AFC Championship, and congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens for surpassing all sorts of expectations, especially mine, during what turned out to be an excellent season, even if it did come to an unceremonious end. Fortunately I was in so much physical pain because of my busted hand --- do not defy doctors' orders and remove a cast prematurely! --- the emotional pain of losing was easy to swallow. Or I could have just smothered it with Old Bay, which goes well with everything. French fries, ice cream, emotional pain, et cetera.

I had surgery this week and it will be another six weeks, maybe eight, before I'm well enough to blog well, perfect timing considering I probably would have been lazy during February and March anyway. I mean, what is there to blog about? Joe Flacco is handsome. I hope Ray Ray stays. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Seriously, though, if Ray Lewis leaves Baltimore, I will fall apart** -- not even Old Bay could fix that. I was surprised to hear T-Sizzle talk about hometown discounts so that he, Bart Scott and Ray Ray could all stay in Charm City. Ray responded by saying it was God's decision.

I was supposed to be in Tampa this week for the Super Bowl, but the universe had other plans for me. So here I am, stuck in the Bay. Not exactly a terrible place to be stuck. I mean, it's better than Pittsburgh, right? Who knows. I haven't been to Pittsburgh since the day before my 19th birthday (1997). Maybe it has improved? Steel is a booming industry, I guess.

My friend Diana ran into Marshawn Lynch on Wednesday at a club in Tampa. I met Money last year at the Super Bowl and have since become friends with him and a few of his cousins. His blood cousin Sam is a great artist -- check out Sam's MySpace page for some of his work. Anyway, Marshawn recorded a shout-out for me. My favorite part is that it's so dark you can't see anything, and you have to really pay attention to what Money is saying. If you're not fron The Sco*** or The Town****, this may not be easy. But if you are, you'll soak it up like rainwater: FamF1rst, Town business!

###

* Big ups to Marshawn.

** I just received a text message from a friend and business colleague asking how I feel about Ray: "Ray Lewis, Family, Country, God -- in that order" was my answer.

*** San Francisco

**** Oakland

Happy birthday, Joe Flacco

Maybe on Tony Romo's birthday you can give him one of your two playoff wins? Poor Tony doesn't have any to call his own. Good luck this weekend, Joe. I won't respect you any less if you don't get the win.

PS: Get the win.

Blogimore Ravens placed on I.R.

I spent yesterday at the hospital. The doctor said I need surgery on my hand. It is badly broken.

I'm not sure when I'll be blogging again. Part of me would rather not do it at all than to half-a$$ my way through the motions just for the sake of it. Especially since I can't use Photoshop very well right now.

Being able to use only your weak hand is uncomfortable and inconvenient and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy Christmas Ape, but fortunately nothing will prevent me from watching another episode of Baltimore's hottest new drama this weekend: The Joe Flacco Show featuring Ray Ray and Fast Eddie Reed. Only one more episode until the highly anticipated Season One finale.

Ravens fans @ BWI

Ravens returning home from Tennessee. Thanks to Polish D for the find.

Brendon Ayanbadejo: "They are going bonkers over us."

IT'S GONNA BE BONKERS

Well hello there

A few quick things:

1) Complaining about bad calls is a waste of time and energy. Didn't somebody teach you that life isn't always fair? Don't you learn that when you're about eight years old and then maybe 10 years after that you start accepting its truth?

To all the Ravens fans who complained about our last game versus Pittsburgh: Yesterday's game is a perfect example of why you should keep your mouth shut. The balls and calls bounced our way. C'est la vie.

To Steelers/Titans fans who lump me in with other whiny Ravens fans: Play like Onyx. Complaining about officiating is not my style. I prefer to complain about complainers.

To fans of any and all teams: Life isn't always fair. Complain about officiating if you want, just please don't do it here. We have better things to do here, like sacrilege.

2) Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers. Hopefully we beat you next weekend. If not, hopefully you lose the Super Bowl. If not, hopefully Earth meets its end in a fiery collision with death.

3) T-Sizzle and I have a common friend or two. I'm trying to get Sizzle on the phone for an interview. I'm not sure the team will let him talk (because of his injury) so I'm not getting my hopes up, but I have no doubt Sizzle will play against the Steelers.

THE JOE FLACCO SHOW (TO BE CONT.)

Derrick Mason scores a 48-yard TD and Fast Eddie Reed gets all the credit. When he's not stealing footballs, he's stealing thunder.

Baltimore has played 10 playoff games in its short history, giving up only eight offensive touchdowns during those 40 quarters of football. Not bad.

They've also forced eight turnovers in their first two playoff games this year, five and three per game respectively, against the teams ranked #1 and #2 in turnover differential this season. Not bad.

Baltimore will be playing for a shot at the Super Bowl after a season with a rookie QB and no bye on the season. Joe Flacco is the only rookie QB to ever win a playoff game on the road. He is the only QB in NFL history to win two playoff games in his rookie season. He doesn't seem to know this. He has zero interceptions and zero fumbles during the playoffs. Not bad.

To be continued.

Baltimore's Holy Trinity: The Joe Flacco Show

It's after midnight here in California, early Saturday morning, 13 hours before Baltimore's best opportunity since Super Bowl XXXV. Eight years.

Earlier tonight I found out I will be going to Tampa Bay for the Super Bowl in a few weeks. I'm not going if the Ravens are playing. I'm going regardless. I received an invite for a party being hosted by that outspoken wide receiver, the one who spurned Baltimore in favor of Philly and then Dallas; the guy who wants what Ray Ray has but can't get it, at least not this year; a guy who has plenty of time to plan parties because he's at home watching the playoffs instead of playing in them; a guy who wishes his QB could throw deep like Number Five; a guy who wishes his QB could do anything in December; a guy who right now probably wishes his Sunday best included purple instead of blue.

I can't sleep. I don't want to sleep. I am knocking on wood constantly, even with a broken hand. My mind is racing. So I figured I would take a few minutes to explain "The Joe Flacco Show," a familiar phrase for regular readers of Blogimore Ravens: "The Joe Flacco Show" made its first appearance on Blogimore Ravens only four days after Joe was drafted #18 overall in the 2008 NFL Draft, the same day I spoke with Joe on the phone.

Baltimore's Holy Trinity: The Joe Flacco Show
The Joe Flacco Show is not just Joe Flacco. Nor is it the Baltimore Ravens. The Joe Flacco Show is larger than that, more important than that; it is history in the making, and its context includes you, me, everyone in the organization and Ravens fans everywhere. It is a new house of worship, the embodiment of our collective experience. All are welcome. Even those wearing purple camo. Especially those wearing purple camo. Steelers fans can go to hell.

Enjoy the ride and stay tuned for another episode of Baltimore's hottest new drama: The Joe Flacco Show.

Get ready for another episode of Baltimore's hottest new drama: The Joe Flacco Show featuring Ray Ray and Fast Eddie Reed (KOW)

I have a broken hand so excuse the brevity.

Baltimore Ravens: 16
Tennessee Titans: 7

Because of this man.

Ravens bloggers are delighted to have their purple prose stolen

Today the Baltimore Sun syndicated in its entirety my post from Sunday, as part of its feature: "Ravens bloggers are delighted to keep their purple prose flowing*"

In the magical world of journalistic integrity, we call this copyright infringement. In the magical world of football fans who don't understand big words like "copyright" and "infringement," we call this stealing. In the magical world of the blogosphere, where some of us understand SEO and where we use fancy technology like hyperlinks and abstracts and saying thank you or maybe not even stealing in the first place, we call this bush league.

Not all bloggers trip over themselves at the first sign of MSM affection.

What did the rest of the article say? I don't know. I didn't read it. It was about blogs. I don't read blogs. They're full of trash [dripping contempt and/or sarcasm, exit stage left].

Side note: Last night I was the victim of another, more frustrating theft, one involving two thugs and my iPhone. I broke my finger punching one of said thugs in the face, which means I can't type with both hands right now. So if I'm M.I.A. for a minute, now you know why.

Lesson: If I catch you stealing from me, I will punch you in the face.

Now it's off to find one of those free medical clinics in San Francisco. This mangled finger of mine feels like Tony Romo's career in December. The joys of being without health insurance.

*Hyperlinking is easy. Here I made it work using only my left hand.

RAY LEWIS on FAST EDDIE REED

Ray Lewis on the field after the game: "[Fast Eddie Reed] is truly amazing, man. [Fast Eddie Reed] is so, so powerful, man. When you believe in [Fast Eddie Reed] everything is easy. Life is easy."

For some reason, Ray Ray kept saying "God" instead of Fast Eddie Reed.

YAWN: RAVENS WIN

What did you expect? That Miami would win? No thanks.

Joe Flacco is the first rookie QB to ever win a road playoff game, and only the third in NFL history to win in his postseason debut. The 27-9 final was damn close to what I predicted here on Blogimore (27-3).

Five more turnovers for the defense. Two more picks from Fast Eddie Reed. Another pick-six to the house. Yawn. Baltimore's D makes it all look too easy.

Bring on the Titans.

Ravens-Dudphins: Pop them bottles, son!

The Ravens are slotted for a worse draft spot than the Dudphins. That's because they have a tougher strength of schedule, meaning the Dudphins played a bunch of weak squads. No surprise there, not with the AFC West and NFC West on the schedule. Best win of the year for the Dudphins, besides last weekend versus the in-fighting Favre-hating Jets? The Broncos.

Wow. Impressive.

The Ravens of course beat quality teams, including the Eagles and Cowboys. Notice I didn't mention the Redskins? That's because the Redskins suck.

But London Fletcher is as good as Ray!

Here, have a free slice.

The Ravens beat the Dudphins straight up. Figured out that tricky Wildcat offense. Brought one of our own that was even better. Left McClain on the bench and let crickety Willis McGahee run wild instead. Walked all over the Duds. Welcome home, Cam Cameron.

Baltimore travels to Miami as the only playoff team to have had no bye during the season, it being eliminated when the Houston game was postponed at the last minute. But it won't matter. Chad Pennington will try to play is safe, and he might hold onto the football, but unfortunately for South Beach, The Joe Flacco Show will have its best ratings yet.

Sure, anything can happen, but only one thing will happen: The Joe Flacco Show wins its first playoff game.

27-3.